The CRM Scaries

With Halloween around the corner, it feels like the perfect time to talk about something truly terrifying… the CRM scaries.

These are the things that make me wince every time I come across them. The bad habits, outdated practices, and “that’ll do” shortcuts that still show up in many eCommerce brands’ retention efforts.

Some are frustrating. Some are amusing. All of them hold brands back from building the strong, sustainable customer relationships they’re aiming for.

Here are a few of the worst offenders:

• "Customer data? Oh, it’s somewhere... probably in that old spreadsheet."

• "We rely on Excel for analytics. Who needs a fancy platform?"

• "No need to track customer journeys, we’ll just cross our fingers and hope."

• "Sending to the whole list is our go-to strategy. The more, the merrier!"

• "We don’t have specific goals. We just go with the flow."

• "Segmentation is overrated. Our customers are all pretty much the same."

Spooky, right? Sadly, it doesn’t stop there...

• "One-size-fits-all discounts? Perfect. Let’s send it to everyone."

• "We prefer to feel our way through performance. Reporting’s not for us."

• "Automation? Too fancy. We like doing things manually."

• "SMS? Only during sales. Let’s hit them hard and often."

• "Pop-ups on every page. Maximum visibility is the goal!"

• "Personalisation starts and ends with {First Name}."

• "Why bother with A/B testing when we can just trust our instincts?"

OK, some of these are a little exaggerated. But if you’ve worked in eCommerce, you’ve probably seen at least one of these play out in real life. And if you’re being really honest, you might have even done a couple of them yourself.

The thing is, every one of these habits chips away at the customer experience. They make it harder to build loyalty, repeat purchase behaviour, and lasting brand trust. And in a climate where acquisition is getting tougher and more expensive, you can’t afford to let your retention strategy fall by the wayside.

The good news? Every scary CRM moment has a solution. With the right strategy, platforms, and processes in place, you can turn things around quickly. Small changes make a big impact — especially when it comes to how you use your data, structure your comms, and create meaningful customer journeys.

If you’re reading this, you probably already care about doing things better. And if you're feeling a little stuck or unsure where to start, that’s where I can help.

Let’s take the fear out of CRM and get your retention strategy working harder for you.